Perhaps you and your partner have broached the topic of anal sex, or maybe you’ve hinted at it in hushed tones while lying in bed. The desire is there, but you both haven’t taken the plunge yet. Talking about it openly is the first essential step, but ensuring a pleasurable experience for both partners is a whole different challenge.
It’s worth mentioning that both men and women can find enjoyment in anal play.
If you’re new to this and feeling curious about exploring anal stimulation, one of the most comfortable ways to start is through anal fingering.
It’s a simple and accessible method, requiring no additional tools (your fingers are readily available!), and it provides just the right size—neither too big nor too small.
In this discussion, we’ll guide you through the basics of first time anal fingering and share some valuable tips and techniques for you and your partner to explore and master this experience together.
What Is Anal Fingering?
Anal fingering involves the act of gently inserting one or more fingers into the anus, either performed by a partner or for self-pleasure. It’s essential to clarify that anal fingering does not involve inserting the entire hand, which would be referred to as anal fisting. For those interested in exploring anal play but not yet ready for full penetration with a penis or larger toy, fingering serves as a comfortable starting point.
It’s worth noting that anal fingering and play might not be everyone’s preference, but individuals of all sexual orientations and identities can derive pleasure from it. Whether you identify as straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or any other, the anus is rich with nerve endings that can lead to heightened sensations and, for males, a prostate that can be responsive to various forms of anal stimulation. Consequently, anal fingering is a practice enjoyed by many, both as a form of solo masturbation and as an intimate activity shared with a partner in the bedroom.
What Does Anal Fingering Feel Like?
Approaching your first-time anal fingering with a relaxed and open mindset is crucial. You might experience sensations of fullness, pressure, and even unexpected arousal. As you gradually ease into it, slight contractions of the anus are entirely normal.
The anus is rich with nerve endings, which makes anal fingering a pathway to accessing pleasure zones that might be otherwise difficult to reach. For individuals with a prostate, this could include stimulating the p-spot, while those without a prostate can still explore the sensitive a-spot. With practice, some people can even achieve an anal fingering orgasm, or experience intense pleasure by combining fingering with other sexual activities. Remember, everyone’s experience is unique, so go at a pace that feels comfortable and enjoyable for you.
Why Do People Enjoy Anal Fingering?
For Men:
Anal fingering can be highly pleasurable for men due to the abundance of nerve endings in this area. Stimulating these nerve endings with your fingers can activate intensely erotic sensations.
The prostate, located about two inches inside the anus towards the stomach, makes a man’s anus one of the most potent erogenous zones in his body. By using a finger or curved toy during anal fingering, you can stimulate the prostate, which is often described as feeling like a walnut. Some men particularly enjoy the sensation of pressure on their prostate during sexual activities, like intercourse or receiving oral pleasure.
It’s important to recognize that not all men may enjoy prostate play, so there are other ways to explore anal fingering with them. Starting with gentle exploration around the anus and the puckered ring, using a simple in-and-out motion, can be pleasurable, especially when combined with other forms of sexual pleasure.
For Women:
Although women do not have a prostate, they can still experience pleasurable sensations through anal stimulation. The thin wall between the anus and vagina allows for sensation transfer, making anal play enjoyable during sex or when using sex toys. Some women even find pleasure in self-stimulating their anus during masturbation, which can be a great way to ease into anal fingering with a partner.
Before attempting penetration, gentle touches and massages around the anus can be pleasurable. Moving from the area surrounding the anus to direct contact and gradual anal fingering can be a comfortable progression. Remember never to go from the anus directly to the vagina, as it can lead to bacterial transmission and infections.
If you wish to try anal fingering with a partner, open communication is vital. Start by discussing it outside the bedroom, using inclusive language and being clear about who would be involved in the activity. Be respectful if your partner is not interested and avoid pressuring them. It’s crucial to understand that anal fingering doesn’t automatically lead to other sexual acts, and those should be discussed separately.
Overall, adding a touch of anal play to intercourse or masturbation can be a pleasant surprise for some and can lead to heightened pleasure and intimacy with your partner.
How to Talk to Your Partner When You Want To Try Anal Fingering?
Approaching the topic of anal play should be done with care and consideration for your partner’s feelings. To initiate the conversation, express your interest in trying anal fingering and inquire if they are open to exploring this experience together.
Remember to:
- Use “we” language to emphasize mutual exploration.
- Clearly establish who would be involved in the activity (giver and receiver).
- Respect your partner’s response if they are not comfortable with the idea.
- Clarify that anal fingering is a separate activity from other forms of intercourse.
- Ensure open communication and create a safe space for discussing boundaries and desires.
How Do You Get Started With Anal Fingering?
1. Experimentation
Before engaging in anal fingering with a partner, it’s essential to explore and familiarize yourself with your body through self-discovery. Masturbation involving anal stimulation, either with your fingers or butt plugs, helps the anus to relax and allows you to understand your preferences. Finding the right anal fingering technique that works for you may take time, so be patient during this process.
2. Communication
Open and honest communication between partners is crucial, as surprise anal fingering is not desirable. Obtain clear consent before engaging in any sexual activity, especially when it involves anal play, as preferences may differ.
3. Preparation
Both the receiver and the giver should take certain preparatory steps to ensure a safe and comfortable experience.
For the receiver:
- Empty your bowels beforehand to avoid any interruptions during the encounter.
- Wash your buttocks with water and mild soap for cleanliness.
- Set a relaxed mood through a warm bath or other relaxing activities.
- Have ample lube available and apply it to your anus or have your partner do it for you.
For the giver:
- Ensure your nails are clean and smooth, and trim them if necessary.
- Thoroughly wash your hands before engaging in anal fingering.
- Apply a generous amount of lube to your finger and your partner’s anus, and keep it readily available for reapplication as needed.
- Communicate with your partner to help them relax and feel at ease.
4. Protection
To enhance safety, consider using finger cots, which act like small condoms, for smoother entry and protection against sharp nails. They also minimize the risk of transmitting infections between partners.
For women, it’s important to avoid going back and forth between fingering the anus and vagina to prevent the interaction of different types of bacteria.
5. Lubrication
Using a good quality silicone-based lubricant can significantly improve comfort during anal fingering. Apply lube generously to both the top’s finger and the bottom’s external anal region. If needed, a lube shooter can be used to ensure the anal canal is adequately lubricated. As the anus doesn’t produce its lubrication, using a thicker lubricant reduces the risk of injury or tears due to the relatively thin anal walls.
Remember, understanding your anatomy and proceeding with care is essential when engaging in any form of anal play to ensure a pleasurable and safe experience for both partners.
What to Do During Anal Fingering?
1. Foreplay
Before engaging in anal fingering, incorporate foreplay to set the mood and heighten arousal. This can involve anal massaging or any other exciting activity, whether you’re exploring solo or with a partner.
2. Use Thick Lube
Ensure to use ample amounts of thick lubricant during anal play. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t self-lubricate, and insufficient lubrication can lead to discomfort and friction. Prioritize using high-quality lube to enhance pleasure and reduce the risk of any irritation.
3. Start with External Anal Play
As anal fingering begins, begin by stimulating the external muscle of the anus. Gently push down on the outside of the anus for a few seconds, and then push up. Once penetration begins, you can use the first joint of your finger to tickle the internal muscle or gently massage in various directions with the finger’s tip. Take it slow and maintain a sensual pace.
4. Gradual Penetration
For the partner who is penetrating, it’s crucial to understand the anatomy and musculature involved. Start with gentle and gradual insertion until you feel the first ring of the superficial sphincter. Apply gentle pressure and allow the muscles to relax. Avoid forcing anything; instead, insert and remove the finger slowly, gradually going further with each attempt. This approach allows the muscles to fully relax and open up.
Different Anal Fingering Techniques:
As you progress deeper, you can use various techniques to stimulate the bottom partner:
- a. Gently massage the anal canal with pressure and small movements.
- b. Create a vibrating sensation with your hand, mimicking the effect of a sex toy.
- c. Slowly move the finger in and out without any forceful actions.
- d. Experiment with adding more fingers while continuing the techniques without coercion.
- e. Attempt to stimulate the p-spot directly or the a-spot indirectly.
5. Focus on Pleasure and Communication
Throughout the process, prioritize communication about comfort and pleasure levels. It’s normal to experience some initial discomfort, but any pain should be a signal to stop and try again at another time. Take it slow and use smooth movements to avoid any potential pitfalls.
6. Gentle Massaging Instead of Thrusting
While fingering, focus on gentle massaging rather than rapid thrusting. The anus derives pleasure from various types of stimulation, not just depth. You can try massaging the sides of the anus horizontally for better nerve stimulation. Remember that the prostate is located about two to three inches inside the anus, so center your attention on that area for heightened pleasure during anal fingering.
7. Use Caution and Care
Keep in mind that the skin in the anal region is delicate, and jerky or sudden movements can cause tears and trauma. Prioritize gentle and smooth motions throughout the entire experience to ensure a safe and pleasurable encounter.
What to Do After Anal Fingering?
1. Wash Your Hands
After anal fingering, it’s essential to wash your hands thoroughly. If you plan to transition from anal fingering to vaginal fingering, wash your hands before touching your partner’s vagina to avoid transferring bacteria from the anus.
2. Engage in Post-Anal Fingering Cleanup
Cleanup and aftercare don’t have to be complicated. Wash your hands and any toys used with warm water and soap, and allow the toys to air dry. Discard any barriers used during the activity. If you used a protective blanket or towel, wash it along with any soiled clothing or bedding.
3. Consider Soaking in a Warm Epsom Salt Bath
The muscles around the anus might be a bit tender after anal fingering. Soaking in a warm Epsom salt bath can provide relief and comfort.
Here are some additional tips to enhance your anal fingering or butt play experience:
- Use Plenty of Lubricants: Lubrication is crucial for a comfortable and enjoyable experience. Apply a generous amount of water-based or silicone-based lube and reapply as needed during play.
- Opt for Silicone Lube: Silicone lube is preferred for butt play due to its thicker and longer-lasting nature.
- Protect Your Sheets: To keep your sheets clean and minimize any potential mess, place a dark towel or waterproof blanket underneath you during play.
- Consider Anal Douche: If you have concerns about cleanliness, you can use an anal douche beforehand to help clean the area.
- Use Latex Gloves or Finger Cots: For easy cleanup, consider wearing a latex glove or finger cot during anal fingering and dispose of it afterward.
Remember that open communication with your partner is essential throughout the entire process. Focus on each other’s comfort and pleasure, and take things at a pace that feels right for both of you.
What to Do If There’s Discomfort?
Experiencing some discomfort during anal fingering is normal, especially if your anus isn’t accustomed to penetration. If discomfort arises, try using more lube or adjusting your technique or position to find a more comfortable approach.
However, if the discomfort persists or becomes too intense, it’s essential to stop. Anal fingering should be a pleasurable experience, and forcing it is not recommended. Listen to your body and its signals; it may indicate that anal fingering might not be suitable for you at this time.
Positions to Consider:
There are various anal fingering positions that can be adapted for solo play or with a partner:
1. Facedown:
- The person being fingered lies facedown on the bed.
- They can either reach down to finger their anus themselves or have their partner lie or sit next to them to do it.
2. Bottom on Back:
- The person being fingered lies on their back.
- They bring their knees up to their chest and place a pillow under their lower back to raise their hips.
- They can reach down to finger themselves, or their partner can sit or kneel in front to do it.
3. Doggy Style:
- The receiver gets on all fours.
- They can reach around to pleasure themselves, or their partner can sit or kneel behind to do the fingering.
Techniques to Try
Exploring anal fingering can go beyond simple in-and-out movements. Try these techniques to enhance the experience:
1. If You or Your Partner Has a Prostate:
- “Come Hither” Motion: Slide the index finger inside the anus and curl it toward the bellybutton in a “come here” motion. Repeating this motion can lead to heightened pleasure.
- Circling: Gently run the pad of your finger around the perimeter of the prostate in circular motions, experimenting with different pressures and speeds.
- The Human Vibrator: Press the pad of your finger against the prostate and use a fast, short, vibrating motion, either side to side or up and down.
2. If You or Your Partner Don’t Have a Prostate:
- “Come Hither” Motion: Insert the index finger and curl it toward the bellybutton, repeating the motion with increasing speed and pressure.
- Circling: Instead of circling the prostate, apply light pressure to the front wall of the rectum and move your finger in circular motions over the tissue or A-spot.
- Just the Tip: The anus is rich with nerve endings, so applying gentle pressure to the surface with just the tip of a finger can be pleasurable. Slowly twist the fingertip in different directions.
3. If You or Your Partner Want Additional Stimulation:
- Touch Other Erogenous Zones: Simultaneously stimulate other erogenous zones, such as rubbing the clitoris, fingering the vagina, or providing a hand job while fingering.
- Use Your Tongue: Consider teasing the taint with your tongue while fingering the anus or starting with gentle licking of the anus. You can also kiss or lightly bite the butt cheeks while fingering the hole if not ready for rimming.
Conclusion
Anal fingering can be an enjoyable experience, whether you explore it solo or with a partner. One exciting perk is the possibility of experiencing an intense anal orgasm that will leave you twisting the sheets with pleasure!
Whether you’re new to anal play or considering it as a thrilling form of foreplay before anal sex or even fisting, anal fingering offers a great introduction. Remember to keep the guidelines mentioned above in mind to ensure a safe and pleasurable experience. So, don’t hesitate any longer—go ahead and give it a try!
